paul schreiber

Jim Romenesko over at Poynter forums explains how to “reenergize readers” — that is, how to fix your newspaper, including:

• Go out in street, see news, write it up.
• Yank all columnists who write with the word “I” or cutesy variation thereof; run no column that contains not an ounce of new reporting; hold public execution in town square of any columnist who writes “searching for a column topic” column.

…if only.

Ingredients

1/4 cup butter
1.5 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. baking soda
1/4 cup sour milk (3/4 tsp. lemon juice in a 1/4 cup measuring cup and add regular milk to fill it to top)
1.5 cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup mashed ripe bananas

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease 8″ square pan.
2. Beat butter, sugar and eggs until light an fluffy.
3. In a separate dish, mix the baking soda & sour milk together. Then add it to your batter and beat well.
4. Mix baking powder into flour.
5. Alternate putting the bananas and the flour into the batter. Mix only until blended.
6. Bake for 45 minutes. Check if it is done by inserting a toothpick into the banana bread. When it comes out clean, it is done.

You may have heard the old phrase “…like a fish needs a bicycle to describe something ridiculous.

I’m proposing a new meme — write it on your blog or LJ and link back here: come up with the best simile you can for something, well, completely ridiculous. Totally implausible. Not gonna happen.

Here’s mine:

…like the Pope needs a hysterectomy.