worst fiction winners

The 2005 results from the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest are in.

In considering the wisdom of entering upon an affair of the heart with the redoubtable Miss Ffiona Sensuosa, MacFadden Perfidy weighed the undeniable erotic advantages of such a confluence of physiologically coinciding characteristics against the demonstrably unfortunate fact of her exhibiting pronounced advantages over him in terms of wealth, intelligence and personality, and concluded that their union could possibly be inadvisable.

don’t fuck with cole valley

derek strikes back at hit-and-run driver:

My mind raced. I could leave an angry note! No, better, I could etch a few choice words on the side of the car with my keys! No, better! I could go to the store, buy yellow spraypaint, and write HIT AND RUN on the side of the car. But I did none of those things. Instead, I took a photo.

Later in the day, I called the police and reported the license plate number and what I’d seen. Then I took the photo, added personal note to the people involved, made a poster, and put it up in several places on my street with enough tape to make it a huge challenge to remove.

no-fly chimpanzees etc.

Jesse points out another example of stupid security. Manitoba MP Pat Martin is being held up at airports:

Pat Martin says he’s “getting fed up” with the screening procedures that have prompted frustrating ticket-counter delays with Air Canada on two occasions. “I can assure you I’m not a security risk, but I am about to get violent if I get treated this way again,” he said in an interview.

What’s wrong with my printer?




What’s wrong with my printer?

Originally uploaded by shrub.

My Canon i950 has started printing horizontal bands across everything but yellow and black.

Any idea what’s wrong or how to fix it?

I spent some time on the phone with Canon tech support, and changing the paper type to photo paper and the document type to “top quality photo” eliminates the banding, but I get a green cast on my photos.