paul schreiber

for a good time, call 1-800-TAX-CHAT.

The iPod is bigger than Jesus.

Top 20 CDs for 2004

1. Saucy Monky | Turbulence
2. Libbie Schrader | Letters to Boys
3. Sarah Harmer | All of Our Names
4. Sarah Slean | Day One
5. Charlotte Martin | On Your Shore
6. Jason Mraz | Tonight, Not Again
7. Jag Star | Cinematic
8. Anne Heaton | Give In
9. Heather Combs Band | Live at the Little Fox
10. Great Big Sea | Something Beautiful
11. Elly K | Intangible
12. Vienna Teng | Warm Strangers
13. Tegan and Sara | So Jealous
14. Allison Crowe | Secrets
15. AJ Croce | Adrian James Croce
16. madviolet | worry the jury
17. Sophie B. Hawkins | Wilderness
18. Melissa Ferrick | The Other Side
19. Holly Palmer | I Confess
20. Kevin Fox | Come Alive

Things Bush will or won’t do in term 2:

I resent being called conservative or liberal because these terms are nearly synonymous with Republican and Democrat, political parties which have at least this much in common: lack of vision, lack of character, and lack of leadership. By “vision” I mean a plan or strategy that is more than knee-jerk reactions to current events; by “character” I mean being beholden to a principle more than money; and by “leadership” I mean the ability to rise above partisanship to unite people.

A PSA: How to stop getting junk:

• Stop getting junk mail via the DMA
• Stop getting telephone solicitations via the FTC
• Stop getting credit card offers (also by calling 888-5-OPT-OUT) via the credit bureaus

also: ha.

Stop using Internet Explorer immediately:

There
is absolutely no excuse, in other words, for continuing to use software
that is the computer equivalent of unprotected sex with a third world
prostitute.

ha, ha, ha.

Dear Abby,

My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit card
bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at
me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our
kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the
interest.

Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of
them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he
has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.

Also, he has gotten religious in a big way, although I don’t quite
understand it. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people
who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ.

And now he has been going to the gym an awful lot and is into wearing
uniforms and cowboy outfits, and I hate to think what that means.

Finally, the last straw. He’s demanding that before anyone can be in the
same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It’s just so horribly
creepy! Can you help?

Signed, Lost in DC
- —

Dear Lost,

Stop whining, Laura. You can divorce the jerk any time you want.
The rest of us are stuck with him for four more years.

The RIAA gets its lumps. Of coal.