paul schreiber

First there was Evolution. Now, they’ve come up with Onslaught:

Jon Stewart: “So in summation, the bill takes money from cigarettes and gives it to poor sick children.”

George Bush: “That’s why I’m going to veto the bill.”

Apparently Lauren Upton is one of the 20% of Americans who don’t own maps. Or something.

From the Miss Teen USA Pageant (24 August 2007):

“Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?”

Miss South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton:

“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”

Here’s a pair of great Bauer hockey commercials from back in the day:

We all have something

A clean sheet

Does anyone have higher-quality copies? While we’re at it, does anyone have a copy of the NFL “Feel the Power” commercial that used Ani DiFranco’s “32 flavors” and featured various running backs? I can’t find it anywhere.

Alynda Wheat in this week’s Entertainment Weekly’s Tonight’s Best TV:

Friday Night Lights
NBC, if you don’t renew this show, I swear I’ll take every n, b, and c out of this column! A d if you etwork astards thi k I’m joki g, you just try me.

Ellen picks up the phone and calls 88-year-old Gladys Hardy of Austin, Texas, who proceeds to steal the show.

Then, she calls her again: